Few of us know who we truly are. Most believe we are the job we have, the achievement we seek to attain, the title we are given, the relationship we are in, or the roles we play in our daily life. In a world where things are constantly changing, moving, growing, evolving, many of us find ourselves rigid and holding on to all the uncertainties that accompany all aspects of life. It is fear of the unknown that keeps us trapped and clinging to anyway to make the outcome clearer. This is a form of control and insecurity. When we let go of the need to control, life unfolds in its own way at its own pace, which is something that takes time. When we push or try to rush a resolution sooner than is natural resistance, problems, and ultimately destruction follow. This is of course an outcome, but probably not the one that you desire.
Attachment is normal, we all seek it in every aspect of our lives but it is not natural. A desire for attachment comes from deep confusion about who we truly are, where we are, and what is going on. Essentially, it is a misunderstanding about the nature of relationships and fear of being abandoned. We feel the tighter we hold on, the less frightened we will be. The opposite is true. The gripping itself creates the fear. This sense of crushing and being crushed is at the very core of the pain we experience. Many become afraid of losing that which they have been accomplished, that they will not attain their goal, that they will lose the person they love. It is our resistance and controlling the flow that makes life all that more difficult.
So Why Are People Insecure and Seek Control?
Some factors include…
1. Lack of self-confidence
2. Inability to trust oneself and others
3. Being raised in an environment that is not conducive for learning, is chaotic and thus leads them to be frequently on the edge.
4. Having gone through a major setback or tragedy in life such as losing someone important, divorce or bankruptcy.
5. Lack of direction in life.
6. Lack of compliments and acknowledgements from others
7. Poor self-image
8. Having unrealistic expectations imposed on them by others, which they are striving to achieve.
9. Overshadowed by successes of others
10. Fear. (fear of rejection, pain, loss, embarrassment, etc….)
Tips for Dealing With Insecurity
1. Self Awareness – Ask yourself what is the trigger of you feeling insecure? Fear of loss, pain, embarrassment or rejection. What is it that you are insecure about? After finding out the trigger, ask yourself what new behavior traits you can develop to make you feel more secure? How does the new behavior benefit me? What is my action plan to develop the new behavior?
2. “So what” attitude - Don’t keep asking what if this happen or what if that happen. You can run your imagination wild if you keep asking yourself what if. When your mind starts going to those crazy places tell yourself “So What?” it isn’t real. There are a lot of things that are actually minor problems until we are guilty of making a mountain out of a mole. Even if the worst possible thing did happen, you will learn from it and keep going. The world will not stop despite your fear of it doing so.
3. Exercise and Activities – Join a gym, take up the yoga class, take up a club/ hobbies, or start doing activities you enjoy. Exercising can improve your mood. When you exercise your brain release chemicals, which will make you feel happier and more relaxed. By regularly exercising you can boost your confidence, improve your self-esteem and say goodbye to depression and anxiety.
4. Set Goals – Lack of direction in life can cause insecurity. You will be wondering what is your purpose in life and lack the self esteem. By regularly setting goals, you can keep on achieving and lesser time for your mind to wander. Be sure to take small steps.
5. Journal - Use a journal and record the success you have make in life. Record down the mini success you have achieved and regularly refer back to it to boost your self-confidence.
6. List your fears - List your fears and triggers. Awareness is vital for your success. When you have the awareness you can make a plan to overcome these issues. Keep conquering your fears one by one and soon you will be shock by what you can do!
7. Buddy, Mentor, Counselor, or Group – Find a friend, mentor, or guidance system that you can trust and tell them about the challenges you are facing. Let them track your progress and shower you with compliments and ideas for your success.
8. Laughter – Laughter is the best medicine for human. When you laugh your mood lightens up and is said to help to improve the immune system too. Watching a funny show, seeing a comedy routine, even just laughing with friends is so invaluable!
Insecurity is a normal part of life affecting ALL people at every age, stage, and for many different reasons. Try to enjoy every moment, don’t let your thoughts control you, and know you are amazing and can accomplish of anything! Say YES to change; it is just another opportunity knocking on life’s door!